Shrek vs the Transformers!
by MetalSamamon
Summary: FINALLY! A NEW CHAPTER! CHAPTER 5 IS UP! SURPRISE GUEST APPEARANCE! If you've ever seen Shrek and or Shrek 2 and or are a fan of Transformers you'll love this! Please read and review!
1. Ch 1: Where are we again?

'Shrek vs. the Transformers' Chapter 1: "Where are we _again_?":

(Author's Notes on bottom)

A beam of soft light floats down upon a book. The cover is a deep rich brown with four squares and small pictograms inside each square. The book calmly opens as if by the wind, and rests upon the first pages of the story…

"Once upon a time; in a distant and long ago land; a great and terrible dragon and his minions fought against a brave and noble gorilla and his men in a battle for time and peace." A voice says, and the page of the book turns…

"But the dragon was defeated, and the wise gorilla and his men placed the dragon in chains and attempted to leave the world they invaded in peace…" The voice continues as the page turns…

"But the vessel in which the mighty gorilla and his warriors were using entered a magical gate; and they were not seen again; until much later; when many changes in the world they left took place…" The voice explains as the next page turns…

"And alas the gorilla and his men returned, but so did the dragon; and thus their battle began anew…"

"Ah slag!" The book slams shut as a red hand throws the book down. "I thought this was supposed to be a chronicle of the future; so much for the Covenant of Primus!" A green hand reaches down and picks up the book, "But Megatron…" another voice calls out as he follows the red handed dragon leader through the forest, "…this givez record of the future!" he holds up the book happily. Megatron stops and snarls at the bot, "Do not try my patience Waspinator…It's bad enough I have to be in this…_place_ with you!" Waspinator cowers in fear, but once Megatron turns around and starts walking again, he sticks out his tongue at him and starts marching behind him.

Elsewhere, Donkey and Fiona stand outside their home in the swamp, staring at an incredible sight. "What do you think it is?" Fiona asks him. "I don't know, but I think that we should back away slowly and not mess with any of this voodoo!" Donkey retorts as steps back slowly. "It's O.K. Donkey; I'm sure whoever's in their will be happy to see us…" Fiona begins; when suddenly the hatch of the Autobot shuttle cracks open and they both freeze in fear.

The hatch slowly creeks open, and a metallic hand pokes out. "AH! I told you! It's the end of the world!" Donkey starts racing around in circles, "The sky is falling! I'm gonna die! I'M GONNA DIE! HELP ME FIONA!" "Calm down Donkey; it's just a hand…" Fiona calmly says as she grabs Donkey in mid-sprint. "O.K., O.K., I feel a lot better now." He smiles and they both watch as the hatch opens the rest of the way, and a head pokes out of the hatch.

"We're defiantly not on Cybertron." Rattrap mutters as he crawls back inside and begins to close the hatch. "No wait!" Fiona yells, extending her arm to reach towards him. "WHAT?" Donkey quickly asks in shock, "I know you ain't seriously thinking about I think you're thinking about…" Donkey grins innocently, "…Right?" Fiona sighs and explains her feelings to Donkey with her hands, "Donkey, it's alright. I'm sure they'll be kind, sweet and friendly…" She gives him an adoring smile, which does little to calm Donkey.

The hatch pokes open a little bit and all they can see is a glowing optic on the inside, "So…this _is_ Cybertron?" Rattrap quietly opens the hatch again and lets it drop open on the other side. "Cyber-what?" Donkey asks, "He ain't talkin' about the swamp is he?" Fiona shrugs her shoulders at Donkey's question.

Just then, the door of the house opens and Shrek steps out and stretches in the sunlight and itches his butt crack quickly. He opens his eyes, and drops his jaw in shock at what he sees. "What in the name of my great green underwear is going on here!"

Donkey walks up to him, "But Shrek, you don't have any green underwear…" "I know." Shrek comments calmly as he looks down at Donkey. "You don't even wear underwear; do you?" "DONKEY! NOT NOW!" Shrek throws him arms up infrustration and walks fully out of the house. "And for your information; I _do_ wear underwear."

"Sure you do…" Donkey mutters as he follows Shrek as he walks towards the ship, "And I'm a talking donkey…no wait; I am a talking donkey." He shakes off the failed reference as they head towards the ship.

"What's going on here Fiona?" Shrek asks her as he gestures towards the downed ship. "Huh…I was just 'bout to ask you the same question." Rattrap laughs as he walks up to them. A long awkward silence takes place as the three stare at each other; unable to speak.

"Well now; isn't this weird?" Donkey pokes his head in the middle of the three and gives a wide grin. "A talkin' donkey?" Rattrap shouts in surprise. "Yeah, it's gettin' him to shut up that's the trick." Shrek air-whispers to Rattrap, and Donkey squints in response.

"Are you a transformer?" a voice echoes from behind them as they all look at the shuttle and see Cheetor jump out onto the ground. "A transformer? What's that?" Shrek asks, scratching the top of his head. "Yeah, like this…" Rattrap begins as he transforms into a Transmetal rat. The three stare in awe.

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna try that!" Donkey jumps up and down in eager excitement and Shrek shakes his head in disbelief, "Donkey, you can't transform…you're just a donkey."

"I can talk; what makes you think I can't transform. Huh?" Donkey gives Shrek the big-one-eye. "Alright then…go on and try." "It's easy; all you do is say your name and 'Maximize'"., Rattrap begins, "Here, lemme show you. Rattrap, MAXIMIZE!" He transforms into bot mode, "See?"

"O.K., O.K., I'm going to do it…I can do it!" Donkey sits upon his butt, closes his eyes and assumes a meditating position, "Find the balance, feel the transformation…" Rattrap looks at him in question. "You don't need to say all that…" Cheetor says and laughs a little. Donkey opens one eye quickly, "Alright then…" he returns to all fours and breathes in deeply, "O.K., here goes nothin'…" He takes a final look around at everyone, "Donkey…MAXIMIZE!"

Nothing happens. "Try harder…" Fiona urges him on; drawing an odd look from Shrek. "Donkey, MAXIMZE!" Donkey yells, and just then he farts super-loudly. Everyone covers their noses in horror and waves away the smell. "Ugh, what did you eat?" Shrek asks, still fanning. "Guess he's not a transformer." Cheetor comments as he fans away the smell. "Gee, ya think?" Rattrap quickly notes sarcastically.

Elsewhere, Megatron and Waspinator are walking through the woods when they finally exit them, and enter a large clearing. "Is that…?" Megatron begins, staring in wonder at the sight before him. "Ooh…pretty!" Waspinator mutters as they both stare out across the hilltop towards the city of DuLoc.

"So, there is some civilization on this dirtball, perhaps I can get some answers here…" Megatron begins as he strolls across the great field towards the city. But he suddenly hears a noise behind him, and quickly turns around, "What are you doing…"

He stops in mid sentence as he sees Waspinator being attacked by…squirrels. "By the pit…I can't trust you to do anything, can I?" Megatron stomps over towards Waspinator. "Help…Wazpinator pinned by angry mousy-bots!" Waspinator holds his arms in the air in fear of moving. Megatron stomps up to Waspinator, and all of a sudden all the squirrels look up at Megatron. Megatron raises his arm to fry the squirrels with his dragon attack; and all the squirrels cower in fear.

Just then, Megatron sticks out his tongue and makes funny faces at the squirrels. They look up at him in wonder; and flee in terror. Waspinator watches them flee; then stares up at Megatron. "What…you were expecting Great War III?" Megatron smirks, and continues towards DuLoc.

Finally, they cross the field and enter a parking lot. Megatron looks up at the sign, "You are parked in Iacon?" he mutters as he stares in wonder, but shrugs it off as nothing. They stroll towards the entrance, and a man with an oversized Prince Charming head greets people as they walk in. Megatron and Waspinator walk up to him, and Megatron's shadow towers over the man. He turns and sees the two bots.

"I've gotta get a new job!" He screams as he runs screaming through the maze of ropes that organize the non-existant line. "Was it my breath?" Megatron turns and asks Waspinator. Waspinator looks up at him and shrugs as Megatron simply steps over the ropes and walsk towards the entrance. The man's large head smashes into the entrance booths and he's knocked unconscious. Megatron and Waspinator look down at him, "Stupid humans." Megatron comments as he bashes through the booths and walks inside DuLoc.

Inside people are walking about and shopping when they all notice Megatron and Waspinator. "AAAHHHH!" They all scream and run in every direction away from them and hide inside the houses and shops. "I need a new agent." Megatron quietly mutters as they walk through the empty city.

Soft shopping-mall music plays through the speakers as they walk towards a booth that says 'Information'. "Perhaps this will give me the answers I need…" Megatron begins as he reaches down and pulls the handle. It slowly begins ticking, and the two robots draw their weapons expecting it to blow up. All of a sudden the doors swing open and tiny wooden statues of Prince Charming and the ugly stepsister start dancing and singing. "Welcome to duloc; such a perfect town. Here we have some rules; let us lay them down.

Don't make waves, stay in line, and we'll get along fine; Duloc is a perfect place! Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your...face! Duloc is…Duloc is…Duloc is a PER-FECT PLACE!"

All of a sudden the doors close and a flash goes off, and a picture prints out below the booth of Megatron and Waspinator with dumbfounded looks upon their faces. Megatron grabs the photo and looks at it; "Oh, so that's what I look like; no wonder…" He tosses the photo away and Waspinator catches it in mid-air. "Aw, Wazpinator didn't smile…"

Back at the swamp, Optimus, Silverbolt and Blackarachnia have all come out of the shuttle and are talking with Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey. "So, where are we _again_?" Rattrap asks. "You're in my swamp!" Shrek states as he walks up to Optimus. "We understand that Mr. Shrek, but I think what Rattrap is trying to ask is _when_ is it?" Optimus states. "It's Thursday!" Donkey announces, drawing a look from everyone. "What?" He asks, looking at everyone.

"This is useless boss monkey! We don't know what date it is; and they don't understand us…" Rattrap explains as he gestures around at everyone with his hands. Shrek begins to take a drink of an eyeball martini. Fiona smiles, "Well, until you figure out where you guys are, you're more than welcome to stay here." Shrek swallows the eye and starts choking, and drops the glass. He hacks for a minute before spitting out the eyeball at Silverbolt. "Guess he's got an eye on you." Rattrap quickly adds with a wink.

"Hold the phone!" Shrek begins as he catches his breath, "That wasn't part of the deal." "What deal?" Blackarachnia asks. "I don't remember any deal..." Cheetor states dumbfoundly. "Doesn't anyone use sayings?" Shrek asks rhetorically. Everyone stares at him silently. "O.K. then…" he says and walks up to Fiona, and a staring match ensues, "These iron giants aren't staying in my swamp; and that's final!"

"Thanks for letting us stay here!" Silverbolt calls out as he pulls out the last piece of their equipment from inside the shuttle. Shrek shakes his head in disbelief, and watches as the Maximals go inside his house.

Author's notes!

Megatron and Waspintor in DuLoc! Prince Charming and the ugly stepsister as rulers! The Maximals living with Shrek in the swamp! What's next!

Whaddaya think? Please review!


	2. Ch 2: Shall we say 7:00?

'Shrek vs. the Transformers' Chapter 2: "Shall we say 7:00?":

(Author's Notes on bottom)

Inside a darkened room of Shrek's house, a pair of glowing optics move quietly through the darkness. Sounds of clinging metal fill the air as a faint silhouette of a robot holding something in front of him is visible. He outstretches the object and closes his optics, "Light our darkest hour!"

"RATTRAP! Cut the dramatics and just light the lantern already!" Silverbolt calls out as the room lights up. Rattrap quickly tosses down the match as it burns his fingers.

Silverbolt shakes his head as he looks out the window and sighs, "Too bad Optimus is too big to fit through Shrek's front door…" Cheetor joins him next to the window ledge, "How ya holdin' out Bigbot?" Outside in the rain Optimus sits on a rock, using his arm shields to protect himself. Optimus sighs, "In a word…prime."

Elsewhere, Megatron and Waspinator walk through the rain inside DuLoc. "Megatron…Wazpinator has question." Waspinator begins. Megatron stops and turns to face him. "What is it?" he sneers. "How did Megatron come back? Wazpinator remembers Megatron leaving Earth." Waspinator asks him. Megatron look at him in confusion. "Didn't you get the memo?" "No, Wazpinator did not get memo." "You must have received it." "No, Wazpinator did not get memo!" "Well then, if you could get it, that would be great….yessss." Megatron smiles and continues walking towards the main tower.

Back at the swamp, Optimus decides to lie down in the rain and enjoy the rain when a noise startles him. "What was that?" Cheetor asks from inside the house. "It sounded like it came from over there…" Silverbolt points towards some trees, and a shadowy figure darts through the trees. Optimus stands to his feet and aims his chest cannons towards the tress, and waits for any movement. Suddenly, the figure appears and the form of a massive dragon rears up as lightning cracks from behind.

"MEGATRON!" They all shout as the others draw their weapons. Just as their about to shoot, they hear something approaching from behind. "BABY!" A voice calls out, and Optimus and the others watch in confusion as Donkey runs towards the dragon. "Megatron and Donkey are…eewwww!" Cheetor mutters in disgust. "Hey everybody; I'd like you to meet my wife-to-be, Dragon!"

"Dragon!" Optimus asks in confusion as the rain lets up a little. "Yeah! You see Shrek and I rescued Princess Fiona from a castle, and Dragon here was guarding the castle. But through my _animal magnetism_, we fell in love and now we're dating!" Donkey explains happily. Dragon steps closer and finally they see her completely. "Whew, that was a close one!" Cheetor wipes his brow. "Eh, if ya ask me, I've seen enough dragons for one lifetime." Rattrap mutters quietly to himself.

Back in DuLoc, the rain has stopped and a little sunlight peeks through the clouds as the two Predacons walk up to the entrance of the main tower of DuLoc. A simple sign hangs on the door, "Do not disturb…that means YOU!"

"Well Waspinator, it would appear that we are not welcome here as robots, but perhaps we'll be welcomed as beasts…" Megatron smiles at Waspinator as they both transform into beast mode. Megatron studies the door and lightly scratches at it with his claw. "Hmm, no reaction. Surely they must know we're here." He looks around and notices a button. "Perhaps this is what I need to press in order to open the door...yesss." He presses the doorbell and the door slowly creeks open. "Ah yes, my theory proves true. The quantum surge which has altered my body has made me…" He turns to see Waspinator looking at him stupidly, "…Nevermind. Let's go in."

They walk inside and are greeted by a man in a fine suit. "Hello, who are you?" Megatron asks him. His eyes are closed and his head is held high. "I'm the butler." He replies smugly. "What do you do?" Megatron inquires. The man merely laughs a little, "I buttle."

The man walks off down one of the halls, leaving Megatron and Waspinator with confused looks on their faces. Megatron dismisses it finally and they begin walking again. As they walk through the hollow corridors of the massive foyer entrance, they hear singing near the end of the corridors. They proceed towards the sound, and make their way to a closed door at the far end. Megatron puts his head next to the door and listens…

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt; too sexy for my shirt; so sexy it hu-urts_!" The voice sings, and Megatron winces in pain, "Note to self: Never listen to anyone to sing again." He grabs the door handle and opens it quickly, and they see someone rush behind a cloth curtain inside a bathtub.

"Who dares disturb the great and powerful Prince Charming!" he calls out from behind the curtain. "Wazpinator thought he was going to say something else." Waspinator buzzes. Megatron gives him a quick look of annoyance, and proceeds to walk towards the bathtub. "Are you in charge around here?" Megatron demands as he walks up to the edge of the curtain. "And whom may I inquire is asking?" Charming asks as he sinks into the bubble bath. Megatron rips back the curtain, "I AM!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Charming screams and reaches for the curtain, but it's too far away. "A dragon! How did you get in here!" he demands. "The butler was too busy buttling to stop us…" Megatron sneers as he looks Charming directly in the face, "You never did answer my question…" "I do not address dragons, I slay them!" Charming reaches down for his sword on the floor near the tub; but Waspinator grabs it and gives it to Megatron. "So human, you want to play games, yesssss?" Megatron snarls as he peers directly into Charming's eyes. A staring match ensues, and Charming stares up at the fiercesome dragon with equal contempt.

Just then, something in the tub catches Megatron's eye, "By the pit! You have a rubber ducky!" Charming looks at Megatron in shock, and then reaches down and grabs the toy. "Why yes I do…his name is Mr. Bigglesworth. Isn't he cuuuuttte!" He rubs the ducky against his face with a smile. Megatron leans back and rubs his chin, "Hmm…perhaps this fleshling Human isn't so bad after all…" he leans back down to eye-level with Charming, "What was your name again Human?" "Prince Charming, and yours?" he asks as he sets the ducky down back in the water. "My name is Megatron…and this buffoon is Waspinator." He points to his right and Waspinator shakes his head in agreement. "That aside, I need to speak with you about a certain matter," Megatron looks a clock on the wall, "Shall we say 7:00?" "It would be my pleasure!" Prince Charming announces as he stands out of the tub and shakes Megatron's hand. All of a sudden, he realizes that he's naked. Megatron stares in horror, "It's so...small." Prince Charming quickly covers his privates and grabs the curtain with his other hand, "7:00 sounds great…" he pulls the curtains shut quickly. Megatron turns around to see Waspinator covering his eyes. "NOOOOOO! Wazpinator iz scarred for LIFE!" he cries in horror.

In the meantime back at Shrek's house, the rain has stopped. "So, is anyone going to wake up Rhinox?" Optimus asks, pointing towards the house. "Nah, let him snooze," Rattrap begins as he looks at Rhinox sleeping on the floor inside, "He looks happy right now; and when he finds out where we are; he ain't gonna be too happy!" Optimus laughs, "Maybe you're right."

"So, Optimum Primus is it?" Shrek asks. "It's _Optimus Primal_..." Optimus mutters quietly, "But as you were saying…" "Yeah, just how long were you and your men planning on staying here?" Shrek inquires, raising an eyebrow. "Why?" Optimus asks. "Oh, no reason…I just like my privacy, and…" "Say no more; we'll leave!" Rattrap buts in. "Really?" Shrek asks. "Nah. I was just kidding." Rattrap laughs. "Shut up Rattrap!" Optimus yells.

"Mister Shrek has a point however; we are not supposed to be here. The quicker we leave, the sooner he and his family can get back to their normal lives." Optimus tells everyone. "Yeah, but I hope ya were plannin' on takin' the Yellow Submarine…" Rattrap points at the almost fully submerged shuttle. Optimus sighs, "Well, it appears that we might have to find _another_ way then."

"Well, you're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like," Fiona begins and gives Shrek a dirty look, "…Right?" "Oh yeah sure…no problem." Shrek grins innocently and puts his hand behind his head. "Hey guys…I see someone coming!" Blackarachnia shouts from the top of the hill. "Who is it?" Everyone asks simultaneously. Donkey hops onto Dragon's head, and Dragon peers over the top of the hill, "It's Puss!"

A few moments later, Puss comes running over the hill followed by Blackarachnia and into the swamp. "Hey, what's shakin' fellow cat?" Cheetor asks as he greets Puss. Puss looks down at himself, "Nothing; hopefully."

"And just where have _you _been?" Shrek asks him. "Señor, you'll never believe this…but I was in DuLoc, and I seen giant robots…" He looks around at the Maximals, "kind-of like you, heh." Shrek looks down at Puss, "Right now Puss; I'd believe anything you told me."

"What were you doing in DuLoc anyway?" Shrek asks him. "Well, there was this kitty was having a fiesta at her cabaña and…" he looks away shyly, "…maybe I have said too much."

"Argh! Optimus, I can't get this scanner to work!" Silverbolt states in frustration as he holds a piece of scanning equipment. "Hmm…so luck finding energon then I take it?" Optimus asks as he walks over to Silverbolt. "No…" Silverbolt begins as he sees something on the scanner. "Whoa. Déjà vu." Optimus freezes in his tracks. "What did you just say?" Optimus asks. "Nothing. Just had a little déjà vu." Silverbolt reassures him. "What did you see?" Optimus asks him, concerned. "What happened?" Shrek asks, walking over towards them. "A white blip went past on the screen, and then another that looked just like it." Silverbolt explains. "How much like it? Was it the same blip?" Optimus asks. "It might have been. I'm not sure." Silverbolt admits with a shoulder shrug. "Rattrap! Get Rhinox!" Optimus calls out. "What is it?" Silverbolt looks around in confusion. "A déjà vu like that is usually a glitch in the scanner. It happens when it's broken." Optimus explains with a smile, "But don't worry; Rhinox can fix it."

"So, what did these other bots look like?" Optimus asks Puss. "You see Señor; there were two, one large red one and a smaller green one." "Three guesses who the red one is; and the first two don't count." Blackarachnia states. "Megatron." Optimus states as he clenches his fist. "But who's the green one?" Blackarachnia asks. "Could it be…Waspinator?" Silverbolt says, and the Maximals look at each other, and all reply at the same moment, "NAH!"

Back in DuLoc…Megatron and Waspinator exit the main tower and walk out into the empty streets. Megatron looks around and notices something, "Hmm…I really hate to do this Waspinator but it appears that I have no choice since I can't find any energon around here…" "Waz that Megatron?" Waspinator asks him in wonder as they walk up to a building.

"Well, hi there! Welcome to the DuLoc Friar Fat Boy. May I take your order?" the friendly drive-thru order taker asks. "Wait…you're a dragon…" The guy suddenly realizes what Megatron is. "So? Is that a problem?" Megatron snarls at him. "Uh…no sir…what I can get for you?" He asks hesitantly. "Ah yes…I'll have the #2 without tomatoes _but_ with extra ketchup and mustard, and a jug of milk as the drink." He turns to face Waspinator, "and what do you want?" "Wazpinator wants Medieval Meal!" Waspinator buzzes and laughs happily. "The idiot'll have a Medieval Meal…and that'll be it." Megatron tells him. "O.K., that'll be $13.26 please." The order taker says. "But Megatron…we have no money!" Waspinator proclaims. "This is why I am in charge imbecile…" he produces a wallet and hands the order taker some cash, "…I am the wise tyrant after all…"

At that exact moment back in the main tower… "Dear, I have a problem." Prince Charming, now fully dressed, tells the ugly stepsister. "What's dat?" she asks him. He extends out the pockets of his pants, "I seem to have lost my wallet…"

Author's Notes!

Megatron and Waspinator have been spotted in DuLoc! Whatever are the Maximals going to do! And what of Megatron's plans to meet with Prince Charming! Will Shrek be able to keep his sanity as he waits for the Maximals to leave his swamp!

Watch for the answers to these and many more exciting questions in the coming chapters!


	3. Ch 3: Run that by me again?

'Shrek vs. the Transformers' Chapter 3: "Run that by me again?":

(Author's Notes on bottom)

"Ah…now that was a satisfying meal!" Megatron states as he reclines against the side of a building inside DuLoc. "Waspinator's burger was not well-done! Waspinator scrap fleshy-bots!" Waspinator transforms into robot mode and starts walking towards the Fat Boy when a pottery vase smashes into his head from behind; knocking it clean off of his shoulders. "Moron, we're not here to cause trouble." Megatron begins as he stands to his feet and stretches his large dragon wings, "We're here because I need an army to destroy the Maximals…or have you forgotten already?" He snarls at Waspinator's head lying about 5 feet from his body, "Waspinator does not understand; Waspinator has headache!"

Back in the swamp…

"It's no use Optimus…it's busted." Rhinox states as he holds the scanner in one hand and a repair tool in the other. "I guess it's just as well…" Optimus begins when all of a sudden the device starts making noises. "Well, at least you got the sound to work again!" Cheetor comments as he stands in front of Rhinox and watches the device. "Energon bases non-obtainable." The device mutters in a mechanical and tinny voice. "Slag!" Rhinox shouts. "What's the matter horn-head? You got it working didn't ya?" Rattrap asks as he walks over next to Cheetor. "I'm not so sure…" Rhinox begins as he presses a few buttons and the device suddenly makes clicking and whirring noises and shakes lightly. All of a sudden, the device starts talking again, "Energon base not found…Energon base not found…" the phrase repeats faster and faster in a higher and higher pitched voice until it suddenly stops.

"What happened?" Donkey asks as he runs over to the small group of Maximals. "I'm not sure…" Rhinox begins as he stares at the device. All of a sudden, it begins speaking again in the original mechanical voice, "How are you gentlemen?" it asks. Everyone exchanges looks of shock and wonder. "All your base are belong to us!" the device states, "You are on your way to destruction." "What you say?" Rattrap buts in quickly. "You have no chance to survive, make your time." The device commands and then starts laughing insanely. Rhinox quickly tosses it down and it busts into tiny pieces against a rock, "Yup, it's busted."

Back in DuLoc, Megatron and Waspinator walk back to the main tower where Prince Charming is waiting for them. Megatron leads by a great distance as Waspinator runs after him, holding his head on with both hands. In the background they hear a bell ring, alerting them that it's 7:00.

Just as they are about to enter the tower, the doors swing open and Prince Charming rushes out. "Greetings again, sir Megatron! It's so very good to see you again!" Charming's voice is resounding and prominent. Megatron looks at him dumbfoundly, "Why are you so cheery?" Charming suddenly looks away in amazement, "Oh, I forgot to tell you…" he turns back to face Megatron, "We're having a karaoke contest!"

"A WHAT!" Megatron shouts in bewilderment. "A karaoke contest…it's where people sing their favorite songs in front of an audience!" Charming explains happily. "Oh no…I'm not doing _that_!" Megatron retorts angrily. "Well, I don't think you'll have a choice…" Charming begins as he smiles slyly at Megatron, "…If you want my help that is."

Megatron stares at him for a long moment, silent. "Well?" Charming asks him. "I'm deciding if I want to squash you or burn you to a crisp…" Megatron snarls. Charming's expression suddenly fades to fear and he steps back, "Uh Megatron…if you don't want to that's perfectly alright…I mean…uh…" he stutters as he runs into the wall of the tower.

Just then Megatron smiles a little grin of sneakiness, "Alright Charming…we have a deal." Charming stares at him in wonder and astonishment, "What!" "I could use some amusement." Megatron quickly adds. "When is it?" he asks. "Tuesday afternoon…we're calling it the Moody Blues Song Festival!" Charming announces. "Good…that gives me 3 days to…" Megatron clears his throat, "_perfect_ my singing voice…" he turns around, "Isn't that right Waspinator?"

Waspinator finally reattaches his head and nods 'yes' in response. But suddenly Charming throws his arms up in horror, "My word…you're…not beasts!" Megatron looks at him in surprise, "Oh…that's right. We never showed you our robot modes…" he begins. "Robot modes?" Charming asks in confusion. "Yessssss…" Megatron begins as he stands fully erect. "Megatron…TERRORIZE!" he shouts and transforms into his robot mode. Charming stares up at him in awe, "I…I had no idea…" he stutters.

"You see my fleshing friend…we are not from here originally." Megatron begins, "We are part of a race called Transformers. For eons upon eons our ancestors, the Decepticons, battled the _heroic_ Autobots in a war that would span both time and space, and eventually the war came here, to Earth. Eventually, after even more time, the Autobots and Decepticons became Maximals and Predacons, and the war continued, only this time it was a secret war. Those archaic Maximals ruled us Predacons and made us slaves! We Predacons vowed that we would one day retake Cybertron, but I grew tired of the Tripredacus council talking and talking with no action! I grew tired of them smooching the skidplates of those confounded Energon guzzlers! But then I found and stole a relic from the Maximals, an item called the Golden Disk. Your kind, the Humans, send a probe called Voyager into space carrying this relic and inscribed upon it was a message left by the original Megatron; a wise and powerful Decepticon commander. It allowed me to gather a crew, gain potential for power, and find Energon, but those were mere bonuses compared to the true prize of fulfilling the original Megatron's ultimate goal! However, Optimus Primal and his crew managed to pursue us to Earth, and thus the Beast Wars started! Those confounded Maximals, they nearly ruined all my plans! They defeated me at nearly every turn, but the war soon ended, and luckily, as they were leaving Earth with me strapped to the outside of their escape ship, the ship entered a time portal and came back to Earth, and thus I am here instead of being locked away on Cybertron! Blast, who knows, maybe I could have even taken over Cybertron, and captured all the sparks and made an army of drones to take over the planet and I would reign supreme!"

"Uh…would you care to run that by me again?" Charming asks with a confused look. Megatron covers his face with his hand in shame, "Oh nevermind!"

"Oh, and by the way, have you seen my wallet?" Charming asks him. Waspinator raises a finger, "Waspinator seen…" But no sooner than he starts does Megatron's hand come down and swats off his head again. "Why no I haven't…is it missing?" Megatron interrupts. "Yes…if you find it, please give it to me. I have everything in there…my money, my I.D., pictures of my wife and horse…" "I still can't tell which is which…" Megatron mutters to himself quietly. "What was that!" Charming asks, not fully hearing him. "Oh nothing, just engaging in a little intelligent conversation with myself, heh." Megatron laughs a little.

Back in the swamp…

"Well Optimus, it looks like we've got a problem." Rhinox begins as he addresses Optimus. "Go on…" Optimus comments. Rhinox sighs, "If what you tell me is true, then Megatron and another Predacon are in the kingdom of DuLoc; and we have to get them out of there…" "And I'm sure the people of DuLoc won't appreciate you guys blowing the place apart!" Shrek adds in. Optimus looks away in shame, "Yes…I agree, but what choice do we have. Megatron is there, and there's no way he'll come out without a fight."

"Hold the phone!" Shrek shouts as he walks over to Puss and leans down to whisper in his ear. After a few moments of whispering Puss shakes his head in agreement and Shrek stands up triumphantly, "I think I might know a way!"

"How's that?" Rattrap quickly asks. "You'll see when we get there…" Shrek begins as he turns to Fiona and Donkey who are standing beside each other. "Are you two up for a little quest?" he asks with a sly grin. "ALRIGHT! Shrek and Donkey on another whirlwind adventure!" Donkey shouts happily and starts dancing and singing, 'Ain't no stoppin' us now!'. Shrek hides his face in his hands.

"Perhaps you'd like to tell me just where we're going?" Optimus states as he towers over Shrek and peers down at him. "I want it to be a…a surprise!" Shrek announces in great haste. Optimus stares at him for a moment in silence, and then speaks, "Alright, Mr. Shrek. That's fine with me." He smiles a little.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Blackarachnia announces as she and Silverbolt walk together on a flat part of the swamp towards the edge of the forest. "Hold on just a moment…I need to pack some things." Fiona states as she quickly rushes into the house. "Uh…me too." Shrek adds as he follows Fiona inside. Everyone looks at each other in sheer confusion. "Did I miss something?" Rattrap asks rhetorically.

Inside the house, Shrek stops Fiona at the table near the fireplace, "What was that all about?" he asks her. "It's nothing Shrek; I'm fine." Fiona states. "No...I know you better than this…" Shrek states with serious doubt. Fiona looks at Shrek, and after a brief moment of silence Fiona finally breaks, "Alright Shrek, if you must know, I'm just not so sure that we should be doing this." "What do you mean?" Shrek asks her politely. "We hardly know these Maximals…and if what Optimus says is true then many innocent people will die when they get to DuLoc." Fiona explains. Shrek grabs an eyeball from a jar on the table and pops it into his mouth, "That's not true Fiona…Puss and I have come up with a way to fix that little problem!" Shrek states as he chews. "Care to explain this idea to me?" Fiona asks. "Sure…" Shrek begins.

Outside, everyone sits on the ground near the exit in a circle, silent. Suddenly Donkey perks his head and ears and in a slightly muffled voice says, "So, wanna talk about it?" Everyone gives him a dirty look, and his ears perk down, along with his head. But then it perks up again, "Come on! How about a game of Parcheesi, or Chess?" he looks around as everyone frowns. "Aw come on! How about Checkers? Risk? Operation? Warcraft!" Donkey shouts, but no one answers. He sighs, and lies back down.

Finally Silverbolt moves and breaks the silence. "I just don't see what's taking them so long!" he states impatiently. "They just need to pack up a few things, señor," Puss begins, "They need some clothes and food and…" "Whoa! Why do they need all that stuff?" Cheetor interrupts. "Because unlike us, they eat food and wear clothing…" Optimus states in response. Rattrap looks down at himself suddenly, "Ah man…I feel naked now."

"Alright everyone!" Shrek announces as the door bursts open on the house, and he and Fiona walk out carrying a couple suitcases, "We're ready to go!" "FINALLY!" everyone shouts at the same exact moment. Shrek and Fiona both grimace, and toss the luggage into the onion carriage, "Well…let's go! We have about a day's journey ahead of us!" Shrek announces, and the Maximals all transform into their vehicle modes, and the quest begins…

Elsewhere, Prince Charming is at a stable behind the main tower of the castle. As he puts on armor and prepares his horse for travel, the ugly stepsister rushes out of the castle. "And just where do you think you're going?" she asks in her usual gruff voice. "I have to see someone quickly…I need their opinion on something." Charming announces. "It wouldn't have anything to do with these newcomers, would it?" she infers. Charming sighs, "Yes…but the point is that I still need to go! It'll take me about a day to get to there; and if I want to be back in time for the festival, I need to go now!" Charming states, and mounts his horse. "Be careful, alright?" she asks. Charming winks, "Don't worry…I'll be fine." He puts on his helmet, and with just a snap of the reigns, takes off towards the gates of DuLoc. She watches him leave as the gates are lowered and take off towards a path in the woods, and then goes back inside quietly.

High above DuLoc on top the main tower Megatron sits perched next to a gargoyle. "And you think you've got it rough…try lugging that moron with you everywhere you go." Megatron tells the gargoyle and points to Waspinator as he tries to reattach his head again. "Ah, go tell someone who cares!" the gargoyle shouts and takes off suddenly. Megatron just stares at stupefied, "Hmm…I thought it was fake." He sits on the corner of the tower silently as the night sky fills the air and he breathes deeply, "Ah, for once it's nice to just be able to sit back and relax. Yessssss….this is my little time alone away from those slagging Maximals and the humans…" He reclines a little against the stone pillar at the corner of the tower, "I think I can see Cybertron from here…" but suddenly his expression becomes a little sad, "Slag, I really miss my rubber ducky!"

Author's notes:

Things are starting to fall into place as both Shrek's crew and Prince Charming rush off to somewhere…secret. And Megatron begins to plan for the future…both the upcoming war and the karaoke contest.

What surprises lie in store? Just keep watching…


	4. Ch 4: Are we there yet?

'Shrek vs. the Transformers' Chapter 4: "Are we there yet?":

(Author's Notes on bottom)

A deer calmly grazes on some grass near the edge of a forest on a peaceful sunny day. Suddenly the deer hears something, at first just a low rumbling, but it quickly grows in intensity. Just then the deer glances to its right and sees a pair of headlights coming straight for it; and the deer freezes. "Move it Bambi!" a voice shouts as a horn blares, and finally the deer races off at the last possible moment as Rattrap races past the deer now running scared into the forest.

"You know that wasn't very nice Rattrap…" Optimus calls out as he drives him. "Aw come on; what was I supposed to do? That deer was blockin' my path!" Rattrap laughs a little. Optimus sighs, "Oh well…I guess it could have been worse…" Just then he hears a squishy noise. "Ewwwww!" Rattrap shouts in disgust, "I just rolled over deer-slag!"

Elsewhere…

"Wazpinator is tired of waiting for stupid fleshy-bots! Why Wazpinator not have food yet?" he yells as he paces back and forth in a hotel room. "Patience…these humans are far from perfect…yessss." Megatron states as he crouches down under the low ceiling. "Megatron, why we don't we attack stupid Maximals?" Waspinator asks as he walks into the restroom. "Dope! Do I have to explain _everything _to you?" Megatron shouts. He walks into the bedroom and plops onto the bed, "Well, if you must know, I need an army to attack them. I know for a fact that I alone will not be able to stop them, and you're not much help either…" Just then he notices Waspinator playing with the toilet handle; and as he flushes it he claps his hands with happiness, "…I rest my case." Megatron sighs and hides his face in shame.

A few miles away from DuLoc, deep in the forest, Charming rides tirelessly through the endless trees towards his secret destination when he hears a noise. As he yanks on the reigns the horse skids to a halt. He listens intently to the sounds of the forest, but he hears something that doesn't fit; something odd. It grows in intensity; starting soft but becoming clearer and louder as each moment passes. "Hmm…" Charming thinks to himself, "…I know that song." Just then some of the bushes near him start to move, and Charming hops off of his horse. "Alright; whomever's out there, show yourself!" Charming shouts as he draws his sword and stands defensively. At that exact moment an arrow comes whooshing past him; and sticks into a tree behind him. Attached to the arrow is a message, and as Charming puts away his sword, he pulls out the arrow and begins to read it:

Dear King of DuLoc,

I respectfully request that you disarm immediately and place whatever valuables you may have upon your person onto the ground in front of you. Thank you for your cooperation; and have a great day!

Sincerely,

Monsieur Robin Hood

He finishes reading the letter and as he lowers it away from his face, he sees Robin Hood standing right in front of him with a big smile across his face. "AAAHHHHH!" Charming shouts as he drops the letter.

"Prince Charming!" Robin Hood shouts in amazement, "What are you doing here?" "Robbie!" He gives Robin Hood a hug and shakes his hand vigorously, "It's so good to see you again! How have you been you little devil?" Robin smiles and laughs, "Well, my job at the Friar's Fat Boy wasn't going too well, so I decided to get a bunch of my friends together and form the Merry Men!" As he says this, the Merry Men hop out from behind the bushes and dance up next to Robin. "What, is that some sort of boy band?" Charming asks. "No…we steal from the rich and give to the needy…" Robin states, "…But we were looking for the King of DuLoc…did you steal his clothes or something?" "No…I am the King of DuLoc!" Charming announces with a sly smile. "WHAT!" Robin states, "I thought you were in Far Far Away!" "Well, I was, but after a failed attempt there to become king of Far Far Away; I moved to DuLoc. They needed a king after the demise of Lord Faarquad, and so I took over the thrown."

"Wow…good of you!" Robin states. "Yeah…a lot has changed after college." Charming states. "Yeah; those were the good ol' days…I remember them well." Robin Hood laughs and he and Charming exchange a secret handshake, snapping their fingers afterward and flinging their arms above their heads. "Ha! You still remember our special handshake!" Robin shouts in amazement. "How could I forget?" Charming winks and smiles.

"So…where are you headed to?" Robin asks him. "I was on my way to see someone. I need to get their opinion on how to handle a certain situation that has arisen in DuLoc." Charming explains. "A situation? What would that be?" Robin queries. "You'll never believe it! Some foreigners have come to DuLoc; but they are not like anyone I've ever met before. They have metal bodies, and can transform into beasts. They call themselves Predacons, and the head Predacon is Megatron from what I gather. He has a partner, a moron named Waspinator. They need my help for something, but he hasn't told me what yet. But I don't trust these Predacons just yet, and I want a second opinion before I do anything else." Charming explains. Robin stares at him in question, "You're right; I don't believe it."

"Well, it was good to see you again, but I must be going!" Charming states as he hops back onto his horse. "Wait!" Robin calls out after him, "Is there anything I can do?" Charming rubs his chin for a moment, "I could use some help I suppose…" He smiles and puts on his helmet, "Come on then! Let's go! We still have a few more miles to go!" Robin grabs a dangling vine hanging from a nearby tree and takes a running start to get enough speed to take off into the trees. "Still unable to ride I see?" Charming states as he sees Robin swing onto a branch. "Yeah…I failed the test to get my license." Robin comments with a grimace.

"So…Optimum Primus…I was wondering; what do you think of people?" Shrek asks as he rides next to him in the onion carriage. "It's Optimus Primal…" he states with a loud sigh, "And I like people. They helped our Autobot ancestors win the Great War. We Maximals owe them a lot." Shrek looks at him dumbfound, "Oh." he sits back down fully and sighs.

"Are we there yet?" a voice calls out from behind Shrek in the carriage. "Oh no! Don't you start that again!" Shrek shouts as he turns around to see Donkey stare at him innocently. "How much further is it Optimus?" Silverbolt asks as he flies in over him. "I don't know Silverbolt…only Mister Shrek knows where we are going." Optimus states as he drives in his all-terrain vehicle mode. "Don't worry Silverbolt…we will be there soon." Fiona smiles and waves out of the carriage to Silverbolt in the air, and Silverbolt salutes her quickly in response.

Back in DuLoc…

"Waspinator! Get out of there!" Megatron shouts as he rushes into the bathroom and pulls Waspinator's head out of the toilet. "Wazpinator not like stupid fleshy-bot's machine! Stupid machine doesn't let Waspinator drink water; machine takes it away!" Megatron shakes his head as he tosses Waspinator out of the bathroom and into the main room of the hotel suite, "You imbecile! It's not a machine, it has no metal parts. And from what this little booklet says," Megatron holds up a tiny pamphlet; one of those brochures that come with the hotel rooms, "It's says that is a toilet. Humans use it to 'relieve what ails them'." Megatron explains as he quotes the book. Waspinator stands up and shakes the water off of his head, "Wazpinator always have ailments. So why stupid toilet not help Wazpinator?" He asks. "It's designed for humans, dope, not Transformers!" Megatron states as he looks at the toilet briefly, "Besides, I don't think you're supposed to stick your head in there."

A knock on the door draws their attention away from the toilet. "Oooh goody! Fleshy-bots finally bring Wazpinator his meal!" Waspinator shouts with happiness as he runs over to the door and flings it open. Megatron walks up behind him and still bending over, looks out the door and makes sure the coast is clear and walks outside. "Hmm…" Megatron states as he looks around, "No one here." He looks down on the ground and sees a set of plates on the ground, each covered with a metal lid. "Well, for once Waspinator, it appears as though you are correct. Our meal has arrived!" Megatron picks up the plates one at a time and hands them to Waspinator. "Wazpinator is starving…yessss!" he states happily and rushes back inside with two of the plates. "Hey; that's my line!" Megatron shouts as he holds the other two plates. He stands up and smashes his head into the ceiling, "Argh! I hate humans!"

Back in the forest Charming rides his horse and Robin swings from vine to vine across the trees, his merry men running as fast as they can behind Charming. "Ah finally…we are here!" Charming shouts as they approach the edge of the forest and enter a clearing. "What?" Robin shouts as he swings on a vine, only to find no more trees to land on. He screams as he flies through the air and smashes into the ground in the clearing. Charming covers his face in shame, and sighs. "Ow…that really hurt!" Robin Hood states as he rises slowly and brushes the dirt off of himself. "So…where are we?" he asks. A sly grin forms on Charming's face as he points out across the clearing to a building resembling a giant factory, "We're here to get some help!"

Author's Notes:

Charming and his former college buddy Robin Hood arrive at a mysterious and yet familiar factory…what will happen next? And what of the Maximals and Shrek's band? And will Megatron keep his sanity as he deals with Waspinator and the humans? Keep watching…


	5. Ch 5: Humans, such a strange species

**"Shrek vs. the Transformers" Chapter 5, 'Humans, such a strange species...':**

(Author's Notes on Bottom)

"WASPINATOR!" Megatron screams as he furiously stomps through the hotel room.

"Please M-M-Megatron...Wazpinator's sorry!" Waspinator mutters quietly in fear; hidden behind a couch. "I will tear you limb from limb!" Megatron yells with rage and frustration.

Waspinator crawls out slowly from behind the couch, "But Megatron…it was only a…" "Don't you start with me!" Megatron screams, "…That was my drumstick! I told you that I was just going to step for just a minute to grab a 'soda' and I come back to find what? YOU EATING MY DRUMSTICK!"

"Please don't hurt Waspinator…Waspinator will get another chicken for Megatron!" Waspinator tries to bargain; only slightly easing Megatron's anger. "But what if this chicken tastes different than the one you ate? I'm sure that these 'chickens' each have their own unique flavor!"

Just then a sudden knock on the door interrupts Megatron; causing him to stop in mid rant. "Hmm…" Megatron sneers as he glares down at Waspinator, "…This _is not_ over!"

Megatron slowly makes his way towards the door; moving cautiously. "Waspinator…be prepared…" Megatron begins, signaling Waspinator to grab his gun, "…We don't know whom may be on the other side."

Megatron bends over and peeks out of the tiny peephole in the door itself; but is unable to see anyone. "Blast it all! Where's the control panel on this slagging door!" Megatron screams in frustration. "Turn the handle sir!" A voice calls out from the other side. "Oh, right, now I remember…" Megatron snickers lightly to himself as he grabs the handle slowly and opens it.

"Greetings Sir Megatron!" a man in a red suit states pleasantly with a British accent. "Ah yes, 'Sir Megatron'…" Megatron laughs a little to himself, "…That does have a nice ring to it."

"I come with news from a very important source!" the man in the suit states. "Really…?" Megatron ponders, scratching his chin lightly. The man smiles and hands Megatron a letter, "Yes. You have been cordially invited to be a guest on a major T.V. talk show!"

"What!" Megatron mutters in shock. "Yes; it's true. Lately you've been the talk of the town; and one of the major talk show hosts wants you to be on their show!" the man states.

"Hmm…why would _I _want to go onto _someone else's _talk show?" Megatron asks inquisitively. "Well; even though it is technically _their _show; _you _go on there to promote your stuff; like a movie, a book, a new album…" "Or a master plan for global domination!" Megatron thinks to himself.

"What was that?" The man states, confused. Megatron takes a sudden breath, "Oops…did I say that out-loud?"

"Never mind…you heard nothing." Megatron quickly covers his tracks, "…But as for the talk show; I agree to the terms. When is it?" "Tomorrow!" The man proclaims. "Tomorrow! Haven't you simian simpletons ever heard of planning ahead?" Megatron mutters in shock.

Megatron sighs in acceptance, "Very well then…I'll be there tonight." He quickly scans the letter and finds the address for the studio set. "You're welcome sir!" The man states happily. "Huh…" Megatron begins as he grabs the door and steps inside, "…Don't expect any gushing gratitude, _human_!" And the door slams shut in the man's face with a tremendous thud.

"Heh…dragons…" the man shakes his head as he walks down the hall. Inside the room Megatron quietly watches the man makes his way down the corridor through the peephole.

As soon as the man turns the corner to another hallway Megatron whips around to see Waspinator flying behind him; trying to see what's in Megatron's hand. Megatron sneers at him angrily, "Buzz off imbecile…it's not chicken!"

Elsewhere…

"Ah what a beautiful night!" Silverbolt sighs happily as he lies in some grass in an open field in a clearing near the edge of the forest.

"Heh…you can say dat again 'Bolt!" Rattrap laughs as he sits on a rock not far away next to Cheetor, Rhinox, Shrek and Fiona. "I'm just glad that Shrek here is a good cook!" Rhinox begins, "Since there's no Energon anywhere near here this food has provided an excellent source of power for us," he laughs a little, "Not to mention a nice change from refined Energon cubes!"

"Wow!" Rattrap says as he takes another bite out of his food, "This is really good! What is it anyway?" "A weed rat…" Shrek states as he rotates his on a skewer above a fire, "…rotisserie-style!"

Almost instantly Rattrap spits out the food he just ate and begins to puke. "What's wrong?" Fiona asks as everyone looks at Rattrap concerned. "_What's wrong_! I'll tell ya what's wrong! I'm eating rat! I'm a RAT! Dis is cannibalism!"

In another part of the field Optimus, Donkey and Dragon sit side by side looking out across the night sky. Optimus, in gorilla mode, points out at one particular region of the night sky. "That…" Optimus begins, "…Is where I believe our home world is."

"You _believe _that's where it is?" Donkey utters in confusion, "Ya mean you don't know where ya came from?" "No…" Optimus gives a belly laugh, "…I mean I think that's where it is in the sense that I don't know exactly where it would be in the sky from here."

"Ooooh…" Donkey states in realization, "…So what's your home like?" Optimus looks down at him with interest, "You want to know what Cybertron's like?" "Yeah!" Donkey proclaims with excitement.

"Well…" Optimus begins, "…It's kind of like Earth, but the landscape is all metal; and the buildings stretch up and up towards the sky!" "Wow…" Donkey's mouth hangs open in awe by what Optimus told him, "By the way; where's this 'Earth' that you keep talkin' about?"

Optimus puts his head in his hand in shame, "Forget it Donkey…"

Elsewhere…

"YEE-OWWW!" King Charming screams as he rushes out of a makeshift tent. "What?" Robin Hood asks in confusion. "Why did you put your bow and arrows in _my _sleeping bag?" Charming shouts.

"How was I supposed to know that was where you were going to sleep?" Robin asks, "I sleep on the forest floor amongst the flowers and the trees and the leaves and the-" "Just get your stuff out of MY sleeping bag!" Charming demands.

"Besides, don't you ever look in your sleeping bag _before _you enter it?" Robin queries, "What if there had been a snake or something worse in there?" "Something worse?" Charming asks, confused. "Yeah…something worse." Robin states. "Like what?" Charming asks. "Like a…like a…" Robin rubs his forehead as he tries to think, "…Just give me a second here; I'll think of something."

"Like a set of razor-sharp arrows?" Charming states mockingly. "Yeah…like that!" Robin raises a finger to drive home the point (literally).

Charming sighs out-loud, "Ah well, let's try to get some sleep. By the time we wake up they'll be open for business." "Yes, I suppose you're right." Robin begins, "Too bad we got here so late…Ii can't believe they closed at half-past mid-day Sun!" Charming and Robin share a laugh and they make their way back inside the tent; Charming into his sleeping bag.

Charming closes his eyes, and begins to drift slowly into sleep; when he suddenly feels something inside the sleeping bag with him. "Mind if I join you?" Robin laughs a little as he moves around inside the sleeping bag.

"GET OUT OF MY BAG!" Charming screams. Robin quickly runs out of the bag and out of the tent.

"What are doing inside my bag?" Charming asks, a little irritated. "It's cold out here; and you know…there's spiders and snakes and gnomes and…" Robin shakes a little in fear. "Ohhh…" Charming states with realization, "…I thought you were _Sir Brave Robin Hood the FEARLESS_! I distinctly remember someone saying that they sleep out on the forest floor amongst the flowers and the trees and the leaves!"

"Well…that's true…" Robin begins, "…But it's usually inside a sleeping bag."

"You're more than welcome to sleep in my tent Robin…" Charming begins, "But not in my bag WITH ME!" Robin whines a little, but reluctantly agrees and crawls into the tent. "Goodnight then Charming." Robin states softly. "Goodnight Robin…" Charming replies as he snuggles into his sleeping bag, "…and I'd better not find you in here with me when I wake up!"

Time passes…

On the railing of a balcony a rooster crows majestically; his form standing proudly as he lets everyone know the morning has arrived and a brand new glorious day awaits.

But no more than a few seconds later does a ball of fire come out of nowhere and engulf the rooster, roasting him and sending him crashing to the ground below.

"Stupid bird…" Megatron grumbles as he rubs his optics and steps out onto the balcony, "…I was in the middle of a wonderful dream! I never got Optimus in a headlock like that before!"

"Hmm…" he states as he looks down at the dead bird on the ground, "…At least now I don't have to worry about finding breakfast."

Elsewhere…

"Up and at 'em!" Fiona proclaims, twirling around in the bright morning sun. "Ehhh…" Rattrap blinks awake and slowly stretches, "…'sit morning already?"

"Yep! And guess who stopped by while you were off in dream-land?" she laughs as she points to a small group not far away. "Hi!" A high pitched squeaky voice states,

"What in the name of my great ant Arcee are you?" Rattrap asks, not fully awake. "My name's Gingy, and these are my friends the big bad wolf, Pinocchio, the Magic Mirror and the three blind mice!"

"Somebody pinch me please…" Rattrap begins, "…I think I'm still dreamin'!"

Back with Megatron…

"Well…are you almost ready?" He asks Waspinator as they stand in front of a mirror.

"Huh! Wazpinator does not see why he has to wear a tuxedo!" Waspinator complains as he struggles to move in the suit. "The letter says that we need to come dressed in 'appropriate attire; such as a tuxedo, suit, or gown…and I don't think you want to wear the gown." Megatron comments.

"Wazpinator look like a girl in tuxedo! Wazpinator's bug head look like two large, plump, round-" "Oh, stop complaining!" Megatron cuts him off, "…It's either you wear that or you don't go!"

"Wazpinator want to go!" Waspinator claps his hands happily. "Well then I suggest you try to grow accustomed to that tuxedo…you'll be wearing it for the rest of the day!" Megatron states.

"Ooooh!" Waspinator stares in admiration, "…Megatron look sharp in his suit!" "Indeed…" Megatron smirks as he poses in front of the mirror, "…I am Megatron after all."

"Well, I believe it's time we left." Megatron states, "I wouldn't want to be late for our rehearsal!" "Can Wazpinator have one more piece of roasted bird before Wazpinator leave?" Waspinator asks politely. "But of course…" Megatron begins as he rips off a piece of the breakfast bird, "…But the drumstick is MINE!"

Later on…

"Ah! At long last; we are here!" Megatron proclaims as he stands in front of the door to the studio.

"Wazpinator hope that host is cute Fem-bot!" Waspinator nods slowly. Megatron hides his head in his head in shame, and proceeds to ring the doorbell without saying a word.

"_Who's there_?" a nasally voice asks over an intercom. "It is I, Megatron, leader of the Predacons and-" "_We've been expecting you…come in_!" The voice cuts him off and the door makes a buzzing noise; unlatching the lock. Megatron sneers a little, but proceeds to enter into the building.

As Megatron and Waspinator walk down the hall together they look around at all of the pictures on the walls of various humans in suits apparently talking to guests on their shows. "Humans…such a strange species…" Megatron mutters quietly to himself.

They continue walking until a man appears out of nowhere and stops them. "Who are you?" Megatron asks. "I'm the set manager here. Are you, 'Mega-ton'?" he asks. "It's Mega-_tron_…" Megatron growls, "…But yes, it is I."

"Good. Go over to room 3-C. There's a make-up crew that will get you prepared for the show." the man explains. "A what?" Megatron asks, confused. "You know, a make-up crew…" the man states, He raises his eyebrow; staring at Megatron in disbelief, "…You have no clue what a make-up crew is, don't you?"

"Well…" Megatron rubs his chin, looking around with shifty eyes. "I'll never understand where he gets his guests…" the man states as he walks away, shrugging his shoulders, leaving Megatron and Waspinator looking on dumb-founded.

Megatron shakes off the confusion and heads into room 3-C; and is immediately mobbed by a group of teenage girls.

"WHAT IN THE INFERNO IS GOING ON HERE!" Megatron screams as he tries to push off the rampant women. "Wazpinator is being suffocated…" Waspinator cries out as he gets buried under a pile of women.

But no sooner than it started then did it end, and the women took off down the hall. "Argh…these humans are really starting to irritate me!" Megatron sneers. "Oh…what happen?" Waspinator mutters, a little woozy and holding his head in dizziness.

"Sorry about that…" a lady states as she approaches the two bots, "…they hang around the set and try to get souvenirs and autographs off of guests." Megatron regains his composure, "Well next time tell them to call my agent first!"

"By the way, my name's Annie. I'm the hair stylist here!" the lady introduces herself. "My name's Megatron, and this is my…" Megatron quickly clears his throat, "…_lieutenant_ Waspinator" Waspinator smiles happily and waves at her.

"Cool! Now just have a seat here and we'll see what we can do with your…" she looks up at Megatron's bald head, "…uh…you don't have any hair." Megatron merely squints in response.

"Oh well…then all you need is to know some basic ground rules then!" she states. Megatron and Waspinator sit down in chairs, but Megatron's breaks under his tremendous weight. "Hmm…stupid primitive contraptions!" he grumbles as he stands up again.

"Rule #1: Don't waste time. The host has a schedule to keep; and if he doesn't have enough time to ask you everything that he plans on; he _will _cut you off and go onto the next guest." she states.

"Rule #2: If the one or more of the band members try to hit on you; ignore them. That won't make them stop; but it'll save you a lot of trouble later on." she explains.

"And Rule #3: Don't ever, ever, EVER make fun of the host's hair. He HATES that!" she tells them.

"Alright…" Megatron states, "…so when do we rehearse?" "You don't." she tells him. "What?" Megatron asks. "You don't…it's all unscripted. You just go out there; he asks you a few questions, there's a few laughs, and you leave. Simple as that." she explains.

"Well…with the exception of one little skit…" she begins and hands Megatron a black robe, "Let me explain this to you…"

"Hmm…Wazpinator has a bad feeling about this…" Waspinator states. "Quiet…" Megatron snarls, "…What do you know?"

Back with the Maximals…

"Man, I've been flipping through channels all day; there's nothing on at all!" Pinocchio complains as he sits in front of the Magic Mirror with the sunset in the background.

"Anything good on? Knights? Wheel of Torture? Who wants to be a Gladiator?" Gingy asks. "Nah…" Pinocchio begins; then something suddenly dawns on him, "Oh wait! I know what we could watch!" "What's that?" Gingy asks. "You'll see…" Pinocchio trails off as he signals everyone else to come join him and Gingy; and they all make their way over and sit behind them and start watching as a new show comes on.

"**From NBC Studios in DuLoc; it's Late Night with Conan O'Brien!**" the T.V. announces as the intro theme music begins to play. "Oh I love Conan!" Gingy giggles with delight.

The T.V. continues with the intro, "**Tonight from the planet Cybertron and fresh out of the Beast Wars, Predacon Commander Megatron and his lieutenant Waspinator!**"

"**_WHAT!" _**All of the Maximals scream at the exact same moment.

"Now this I gotta see!" Donkey pokes his head through the crowd as all the Maximals exchange looks of dumb-found confusion and disbelief.

"**And here's your host, CONAN O-BRI-EN!**" The announcer finishes as Conan makes his way onto the stage and gives the crowd a little taste of his string dance while Max Weinberg finishes off the opening theme.

"Alright keep cool my babies…" Conan waves his hands to signal the crowd to calm down, "…I'm here all night." A quick rim shot from Max adds a nice touch.

After the crowd finally starts to settle down, Conan smiles at them, "Wow, have we got the goods tonight! Yeah; isn't that right Max?" "Uh-huh." Max replies without emotion, leaving Conan to laugh to himself, "That was very nice Max…you read that wonderfully."

"But seriously, we've got the goods tonight! Yay…normally we have just a bunch of people on; but tonight we have a couple of robots from another world!" He exclaims to the audience, "And what's more amazing is that they haven't even invented robots yet!" The crowd erupts in laughter.

"How could this have happened?" Optimus asks himself. "Yeah; tell me about it. Old Mega-Jerk gets a gig on a talk show, and I don't!" Rattrap comments. "Shut up Rattrap." Optimus quietly replies as he begins to watch the show again.

"…In other news the King of DuLoc, Arthur Charming, has mysteriously left the city." Conan explains as he looks around at the audience for understanding, "Yeah…some say that it has something to do with Megatron; but it's really because Doris finally kicked him out of the castle." Once again; the crowd bursts into laughter.

"And the King and Queen of Far Far Away officially announced that they are thinking about expanding the kingdom…yeah…in a related story, LaBamba is thinking about expanding into gentlemen's clubs." And while the crowd laughs hysterically; LaBamba stares at Conan with contempt and innocence.

"Tonight on the program we have Megatron; leader of the Predacons! And also we have his lieutenant Waspinator!" Conan explains. "See…I told ya so!" Rattrap sticks his tongue out at Blackarachnia, and she shakes her head and mocks him.

"And right over here Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7…MAX!" Conan shouts as he gestures the camera to switch over to a shot of Max happily pounding away on the drums.

After his little intro number, Max puts both of his drumsticks into his hand and passes the show back over to Conan; who is now seated behind his desk sipping a cup of what appears to be coffee (though no one's really sure).

"Thank you Max…" Conan states as he puts the cup down. "…You know, every once and a while here on Late Night we get to wondering about what is really out there; and what the future holds in store for us…and with tonight's guests it's really made me wonder even more than usual; so I think it's time we look into the future…"

From behind the curtains Megatron comes out; clad in the black robe with white studs around the collar. "The future Conan?" Megatron asks. "Yes Megatron that's right, the future; all the way to the year 1000!"

"_In the year 1000; in the year 1000!_" LaBamba sings in a high voice. Megatron is now seated next to Conan; and even seated he still towers over Conan.

"Shopping malls will no longer be built once it is learned that the former lord of DuLoc; Faarquad; intended to turn the entire kingdom into one." Conan states, followed by laughter and LaBamba singing once again.

"Cybertron will finally begin a golden era of peace once they learn that Optimus Primal and his crew are not coming back!" Megatron smirks at his own words. "EH! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" Cheetor growls and shakes his fist at the Magic Mirror.

"People will finally accept that King Charming's wife, Doris, is really a woman when she becomes pregnant with their child. Then everyone will faint from shock." Conan smiles and the audience responds with even more laughter.

"I, Megatron, will finally gain ultimate power and conquer Cybertron. Then I'll find out that I'm only a cartoon." Megatron laughs a little as he delivers the joke.

LaBamba sings one last time and the lights raise on the set; and the audience claps and cheers. "We'll be right back with more of Megatron and Waspinator after these messages!" Conan states as they break for commercials.

"Eh…old prune face is funnier than I remember…" Blackarachnia laughs a little. "Maybe so…but if I know Megatron he's got something up his sleeve…" Optimus states with great caution. "And what a nice sleeve it is too…" Silverbolt states, "…I mean did you see those slick black pants!"

Everyone turns around slowly and looks at Silverbolt with looks of 'did he really just say that?'. "What?" Silverbolt asks, confused.

"Hey…It's back on!" Shrek states, drawing everyone's attention back to the Magic Mirror.

"My first guests are from the planet of Cybertron; a metal world where robots reign supreme and people don't exist. He was also the commander of an elite group of Predacons during a series of battles known as the 'Beast Wars'…" Conan explains. "Yeah…elite my skidplate!" Rattrap mocks, "…They were about as elite as a clogged muffler!"

"Please give a round of applause for Megatron and his lieutenant Waspinator!" Conan states as he rises from his chair. Megatron and Waspinator walk through the curtain and shake hands with Conan and take their seats.

Waspinator looks down at his cup, "Ah…Wazpinator wanted energon!" Megatron hides his face in shame as the audience and Conan laugh. "Now you see why I hesitate to use the term _lieutenant_ with him." Megatron explains to Conan.

"Hehe…I see…" Conan states. "Well…it's good to have you here!" "My pleasure…" Megatron states in a debonair voice.

"So, what made you come all the way from Cybertron to Earth?" Conan asks. "You see; I had in my possession a disk that gave the location of a major energy source for us; and I took my crew and made my way here to Earth. But unfortunately my ship was pursued by my nemesis Optimus Primal; and he and his crew attacked us; and we all crash landed." Megatron explains.

"We fought many long and tiring battles; but in the end Optimus and his men had a narrow victory over me…" Megatron states. "And is that what brings you to DuLoc?" Conan asks. "No…" Megatron corrects him, "…You see; the Maximals under Optimus Primal's command were about to leave Earth when the ship's engines gave out. It ended up travelling forward in time; and crashed just outside of DuLoc. I was fortunate enough to escape…" Megatron turns and looks at Waspinator briefly, "…But unfortunate to be tracked down by my _lieutenant_."

The audience laughs again, and Conan chuckles a little. "Why do you dislike Waspinator so much?" Conan asks. "Because he's not exactly the smartest chip on the old CPU." Megatron explains, leaving the audience a little confused by his choice of analogy.

"So Waspinator…" Conan begins as he addresses Waspinator, "…What are your plans now that you are in DuLoc?" "Hmm…" Waspinator thinks to himself for a second, "…Wazpinator will get job at Friar's Fat Boy!" "Why there?" Conan asks, laughing a little. "Because Wazpinator get all the food Wazpinator want; get paid money; and…" Waspinator straightens his suit and smiles at the camera, "…Wazpinator get to meet lots of cute ladies…!"

The audience makes oooh and ahhh noises; as well as various amounts of laughter thrown in. "Well; I'd like to thank you all again for coming…" Conan begins; but then stops. "Oh yeah; forget to mention something…" he states as he turns towards the camera, "…Megatron and Waspinator are looking for recruits to assist in their battle against Optimus Primal and his Maximals!"

"What!" Optimus states in shock. "That's right!" Megatron proclaims; almost as if he heard Optimus, "I know that you're still out there somewhere Primal; and once I have my army you will NOT be able to stop me!"

"Uh-oh…" Rattrap states in fear. "This ain't good, right?" Donkey asks in confusion. "No…it isn't…" Optimus states in stark realization at what Megatron is planning to do, "…If Megatron succeeds; we'll all be destroyed!"

"Not if we have anything to say about it!" Fiona proclaims. Shrek nudges her a little; unsure about her enthusiasm; but she nudges him back. "Oh yeah…sure…" Shrek adds in, "…You can depend on us Optimal Primus…heh." "I'm counting on that…" Optimus states and then frowns, "…And for the last time; it's Optimus Primal!"

**Author's Notes:**

What will happen next? Who are Charming and Robin Hood meeting up with? Will the Maximals and Shrek be able to stop Megatron in his evil scheme to take over DuLoc and the rest of the world?

Keep watching…


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